msanthropickat on xanga
tunes: Massive Attack - Smalltime Shot Away

Quote of the day: "This is a fucking American movie." - Jagger to Yossi (or vice versa) in Yossi and Jagger

Yossi and Jagger - Hebrew with English Subtitles
Viewed: Friday, March 19, 2004 @ Ritz at the Bourse

I was undecided on whether I should see this film or The Reckoning which looked more interesting and starred Paul Bettany and Willem Dafoe. Still, it was about 30 minutes longer than the 79 minute Yossi and Jagger. I had just gotten off the bus after work, eager to see a movie to celebrate. By the way, I'm about to reveal a lot of the movie, but if you don't care or if you're like me and will forget it anyway, read on.

Anyway, according to filmbill, Yossi and Jagger is based on a true story about two commanders in Israel (?) who are secretly in love with each other. The whole movie I thought was predictable and cliche, no matter how much Jagger didn't want it to be a typical American movie. Yossi is the 'man' of the two, he doesn't want everyone to know of his sexual orientation or his relationship with Jagger and is very uptight about how actions can be interpreted (such as Jagger feeding him some cake, or lyrics Jagger sings). Jagger (who is actually Lior but called Jagger because he is 'like a rock star') is played by Israel's heartthrob, Yehuda Levi (yeah, I have no idea who that is, either, but he plays a convincing flaming homosexual) and wants Yossi to come with him, live with him, share a bed together. He's a charming one, a beautiful man with gorgeous eyes, which is why Yaeli (Aya Koren) is in love with him. Yaeli does not know about Jagger's sexual preferences and simply assumes he is best friends with Yossi, since they are so close. Ophir (?) is in love with Yaeli and is jealous because he thinks Jagger is fucking Yaeli (psh, boy is he ever wrong). Yaeli does share her feelings with Goldie (the 'whore' of the movie, with an inch gap in her teeth) and Yossi. Yossi appears bemused by it but assures Yaeli that she may be confused about her feelings, that she may be in love with the idea of being in love with a commander in battle gear, but not the man. The final two major scenes are predictable, although I had wished that the final scene with Yossi at Jagger's home would have been different.

Yossi and Jagger receives an A. I didn't think that the whole prancing and dancing in the snow thing was necessary unless it was done entirely for levity (they are in a war). There were some scenes that deserved a chuckle or two, Jagger is pretty funny, the army men were 'hawt' and teased each other, plus their dancing was just incredibly horrible. This movie -is- a gay movie, but the worst you'll get is some up-close tongue swapping between Yossi and Jagger, some lewd comments... and I think that's about it. So don't expect any barebacking or the like. Yaniv was my favorite. He wore an apron that said 'Don't Fuck with the Cook'. Gotta love cooks.

Movies to review: Spellbound, LOTR: ROTK, The Return, T3: RotM
Movies to see: Crimson Gold, The Reckoning

Today I learned: I really enjoy listening to Massive Attack while writing reviews. Yesterday was the last day for internship. I came in late because I was watching reviews by Joel Segal from Good Morning, America. He loved both Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Taking Lives (both which are playing at the Ritz Sixteen in Jersey). I'm planning on seeing both of those films, but my free passes aren't useful until the new releases are two weeks old (damnit!). I also went to see The Return last night at the Ritz East, then I went home and watched T3: Rise of the Machines, a nice change of pace from the deep foreign films. I loved it.

msanthropickat on xanga
tunes: Massive Attack - Inertia Creeps

Quote of the day: "There is nothing more annoying than losing a page long review on the movie 'Spartan'. Glad I wasted a whole 15 minutes typing all that shit up only to be goddamn FISTED up the ass by the huge annoyance that is BLOGGER." - ME, DAMNIT!

Why? Why???

Well, here's the condensed version of what was initially supposed to be posted:

Spartan - 2004
Dir: David Mamet

- Haven't seen a Mamet film in its entirety. I'm lame like that.
- Highly recommended by the reviews at Amazon.com
- Movie REEKS of machismo (Val Kilmer, I guess)
- Dialogue seems stale
- Typical crime thriller. See it if those types of films get you horny
- Aaron Stanford! (Pyro on X2, I'm an X-men geek)
- Slow, but gets better as it progresses
- Worth a rental or download

Today I learned: I'm usually not this stupid. I write it up in notepad, knowing how fucked up the computer and Internet can be. Oh fucking well. Moving on.

msanthropickat on xanga
tunes: Massive Attack - Angel

Quote of the day: "WARNING: This motion picture contains explicit portrayals of violence; sex; violent sex; sexual violence; clowns and violent scenes of violent excess, which are definitely not suitable for all audiences." - Dead or Alive

Dead or Alive - Japanese with English Subtitles

Reasons why Dead or Alive kicked my ass:

- Hyper frenetic multiple scenes opening frenzy (1..2...3!)
- Ramen expulsion action
- Ryuichi's super orgasmic Yakuza gangster badass jet black hair.
- Guy on spinning wheel going 'Oh yeah, oh yeah' when sock puppet clamps on his package.
- That rooftop looks quite familiar... doesn't it?
- NYPD Blue - American pop culture reference?!?!
- Russian roulette is funny
- Shit pool bath. Soaking in your own filth. LITERALLY.
- Gun-fu. Woo would be proud.
- Insane ending to make a mediocre Miike film worthwhile.

Dead or Alive gets a B. It's not a bad movie if you watch it to the end. Sure, the first 10 or so minutes of complete craziness is just exciting and just gives you that feeling of sheer anticipation since you believe that the rest of the movie will follow suit. But no, Miike is slick. After that, it's just subdued and the story kinda sorta drags and you just want to turn off the damn movie already. Make the shit stop. However, if I had to rate the movie based solely on the cheesy and completely unexpected ending, then I'd give it an A.

Plot summary courtesy of imdb: "Without a home and feeling no obligation to Japanese society or Yakuza, Ryuichi (Takeuchi Riki) and his small group decide to make their own place by trying to take over the Shinjuku underworld and the drug trade from Taiwan. As they plan an all-out-assault on the remaining Chinese and Japanese mafia kings, only Detective Jojima (Aikawa Sho) stands between them and complete domination."

Today I learned: Yes, I can take in lots of alcohol, despite lack of serious drinking since I was 19. Oh yeah, THANK GOD SEPTA WILL NOT BE GOING ON STRIKE! Phew. Glad I can still go to my jobs. This is going to be a BUSY fucking week! :D

Upcoming movie reviews: Spellbound, Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Movies to see: Battle of Algiers, Spartan, Trilogy: On the Run, The Return, Running Out of Time 2

Bend it Like Beckham - Oh the skills!

msanthropickat on xanga
tunes: Tricky - Brand New You're Retro

Quote of the day: "Anyone can cook aloo gobi, but who can bend a ball like Beckham?" - Jules, Bend it Like Beckham

Bend it Like Beckham

Jesminder (aka Jess) is a young female Indian girl who loves to play football (or as we yanks call it, 'soccer'). Her family adheres to strict Indian traditions and are overly concerned about her future, so naturally, they look down on her favorite pasttime. So far, the storyline is nothing new, something that's pretty typical in half hour TV sitcoms and hour long WB teenage dramas. Girls who want to liberate themselves from being oppressed. The freedom to do whatever the fuck they want. I'd think that a once tomboyish person such as myself would enjoy such as storyline, but you know how it goes, we all hate the things that remind us of what we hate about ourselves. That was my first impression and I was trying to push that thought out of my head so I could fairly judge this movie.

The plot is nothing new, so let's concentrate on how the story flows, how the movie direction either thrills or kills, how the actors portray their characters, do the scenes work or will it become ultimate after school special cheese? Well, these are points that I'll not discuss just because it will turn into an essay and this is just a blog AND I'm not a professional writer nor am I much of a critic. Shut up, mkat.

The director is Gurinder Chadha, whom I've never heard, but just looking at the name, she's obviously Indian. Watching the 'making of' featurette (which should always be seen, one of the extras I ALWAYS look for when I get a DVD), the story is almost autobiographical and her family members are also in the film. The difference is that her parents supported her efforts, but if they were concerned, it was fear of disappointment. I'm not familiar with her work, but I'm not familiar with any Bollywood films or actors (apparantly, the man who played Jess' father is a very famous actor, his prestige is noticeable in the film by the way he carries himself). We see a few scenes of Jess interacting with players in the park as she trashes them with her uber 1337 football skills ('the skills! The skills!') and gets noticed by Jules (cute Kiera Knightly, who's also rather skinny, but in a model way). She then recruits her to play for the Hounslow Harriers, an all-girl soccer team that is coached by Joe (Jonathan Rhys Meyer, whom I paid attention to due to the fact that he was mentioned as a viable choice as Gambit for any future X-men films). Looking at Joe, it's obvious he's going to be involved in some romance with the main girls, and of course, it turns out that Jules had feelings for Joe but he has feelings for Jess. There's nothing new or surprising in the story, they fight, they play soccer, they make up, throw in some family scenes of grief over Jess' boyishness, the marriage storyline involving Jess' sister, partying, a tomboy makeover, a traditional Indian wedding, lots of sneaking around, and you pretty much have the movie.

Just because a movie isn't revolutionary or different doesn't mean that it's automatic garbage. In fact, I thought the story progressed well, the direction was tight, acting was terrific, music suited the movie (yes, lots of ex Spice Girls music), good use of humor, incorporation of Indian traditions/culture. Goes to show you can still follow a tired formula and be successful. Kinda like how JRock works. Riiiight? Or not.

I have some favorite scenes that I can remember from the movie (although I'm sure there are more, these just happen to stick out). There's a training sequence where you see Jess and Jules running in the park, and they pass by two heavyset women, one older and one younger. The younger is the director! God, don't you just LOVE it? Ha! Also, I adored the marriage and after party scenes. The Indians really know how to party. One particular scene that had me in tears was the video man brawling with the other men. Pure candy.

Interesting facts: Jess' actor is 10 years older than Kiera Knightly. Jess really -does- have a burn scar that was written into the script (nice addition, IMO, bodily insecurity, always a hot issue, especially for America and the obesity fucking epidemic). The greatest little trivia piece: Jess and Jules were originally supposed to be in love with each other, not Joe! THAT would've been one HELL of a twist!

Bend it Like Beckham gets an A. I'm sad that Beckham wasn't able to make any type of cameo appearance in the movie. That would've been the icing on the cake. I'd definitely want to pick up the DVD to add to my collection.

Today I learned: The Amish make some great fucking pastry! Also, the Flower Show attracts hordes of old women who will very slowly walk down a crowded aisle and pause and stop to look at the pastries at Termini's when they can and should just step aside so the line of people behind them can get around faster on their hour break. WHEW.

msanthropickat on xanga
tunes: Massive Attack - Special Cases

Quote of the day: "Life is like the surf, so give yourself away like the sea." - Luisa (Y Tu Mama Tambien)

Y Tu Mama Tambien - Spanish with English Subtitles

Fucking. Lots and lots of fucking. Lots of dialogue involving fucking. Depending on the type of person you are and how open you are to explicit (although admittingly realistic) sex scenes, you could either love this movie or hate it. Granted, the movie overall isn't based on sex, but friendship between two teenage boys, Julio (the gorgeous Gael Garcia Bernal, also seen in Amores Perros) and Tenoch (Diego Luna, babyfaced actor who is also in Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights). Stereotypical teenage male behaviour ensues: drugs, sex, alcohol, swearing, mischief. No surprise, but entertaining to watch nonetheless. The sex isn't gratuitous, they aren't long and drawn out, although the opening scene is of Tenoch and his girlfriend Ana stark naked and fucking on the bed as she swears her devotion to him. They are just numerous in quantity. Once Tenoch's distant cousin comes in the picture, they plan to take her to an 'imaginary' beach called Heaven's Mouth. Lots of sexual bantering and personal discussion takes place and the story turns when she has sex with Tenoch, which causes Julio to become jealous and he spills the beans on a secret that destroys his friendship with Tenoch. However, more secrets are spilled and eventually they get over it. The beach scenes are my personal favorite. I loved the scenery (hey, it's the beach! And it's EMPTY).

The little things I also appreciated that were just nice touches. For instance, I'm a fan of voiceovers (thank you, Wong Kar-wai) and they really added to the story. I loved how the audio cuts and there is a few seconds of silence before the voiceover begins, it gives the feeling that you are watching a documentary, or that you are there, but watching from a distance. Voiceovers also provide short tidbits of information that aren't necessary or significant to the story, but gives lots of insight into the characters.

Cinematography was excellent. DVD extras worth a look, there is a subtitled 'making of' and (AND) a short by Carlos Cuaron that I highly recommend viewing. Warning: there is more fucking in the short.

Take note that the movie is very... open. Male/female frontal nudity (yay), pissing, ejaculating in country club pools, explicit sex. What more could a movie ask for?

Y Tu Mama Tambien gets an A. Highly recommended viewing, great addition to your DVD collection.

Today I learned: If I could make love to a fish, it'd be salmon. I've had it almost all the time for lunch this week. I really need to stop spending $20 a day on food alone.

msanthropickat on xanga
tunes: Massive Attack - Smalltime Shot Away

Quote of the day: "Trying to find a decent quote sucks" - me, trying to think of a goddamn quote

If anyone actually gives a shit about what I've been up to: movies, work, internet. That's it. Now, my review on Osama that I posted on Gaia:

Osama - In Dari with English Subtitles

"I'm going to say this right now, I'm so glad I didn't have to pay to see this movie! Opening scene, you meet Espandi, probably my favorite in the whole damn movie. The women are covered in burkas and are protesting about equality, then the Taliban comes around to break it up by spraying everyone with water, in which everyone runs away like cockroaches in the light. I never found out the real name of the girl who was dubbed 'Osama' by Espandi, but I was very annoyed by her. It was her goddamn crying! I know what she was going through was hard, but we're talking along the lines of little toddler wailing.

The story is, she disguises as a boy so she can work and help her mother and grandmother put food on the table. I woke up when the Taliban were picking up all the little boys so they can train them by making them read the Koran every day, showing them how to wear the headwraps, turning them into 'men' (they performed ablutions with water, this scene is only significant because Osama had to take part in it, but genitalia was never exposed so she got off easy). The only scenes that made the movie worthwhile were the ones involving Osama's interaction with the other boys, how they kept claiming that she was really a girl, until Espandi made her 'prove it' by climbing a tree in the yard. However, a crowd formed and Osama was punished. Her punishment gave away her true sex in the only way possible without having to take off your pants.

The ending was just so abrupt. There wasn't even an update to follow up the events. I was very disappointed and I do not recommend paying to see this movie. Or just plain seeing this movie. Took away 90 minutes I could've spent doing other things. "

Osama gets a C because of -some- scenes that saved it from being crap. I never thought I'd ever side with the Taliban, but boy did I want them to kill that damn girl.

Today I learned: I heart salmon and that freesia scent from Bath n Body Works. Not together. Ew.