Losing hope

Is this year just a test for hope? I keep thinking it'll be OK but then gradually losing hope. I was told that there were reasons I would be left alone and while neither are good I'm very worried it's because of something that would really disappoint me. Again. I don't know yet, all I can do is wait and hope.

Also, I'm not too confident about the outcome of what happens on Thursday/Friday. I need to remember that it will be OK. That we can always wait or try again. There's no rush. It's just something I really want right now even though it's not financially the best thing to do. I need to stop stressing it because I really feel I am the only one carrying this burden.